Confessions Of A Pop Punk Princess

I don’t blog on here anymore. But, I needed to put this picture up. My expectations never met the reality. On the off chance you read this… I am happy for you. I do want you to be okay. But at the same time, I mean all those things I said. I have to hate you now. I hope you understand. You treated me really badly for someone you were supposed to look after, I needed looking after.

There will no longer be a window into my thoughts. I can’t keep up this double life. I have a new blog and a new life. As lame as that is, drawing a close to this means drawing a close to you. In reality, this entire blog is just an oversized love letter to you.

I don’t love you anymore. I said that already. You said I never did love you. Well, I did. For a long time. So much, it hurt. However, I’m Tom, you’re Summer. You know what? I hope you wake up and ‘just know what you were never sure of with me’. I may or may not have found my Autumn. We never know how things work out with Tom & Autumn. They may be totally incomptible. The film just ends, right there… and well, this ends right there in the middle. You will have no more insight into how I feel. I’ll leave my ending for you to guess. You can decide if it’s a happy one.

The last thing Tom ever says to Summer is ‘I really do hope that you’re happy’. You know what? That couldn’t be more fitting. I really do. You know I do. I can be a massive bitch. But I wrote you love letters, I made you playlists, I did anything to see you smile and it was never enough. Now, I could sit here and complain about how I was never enough or I can just accept that we were by no means right for each other. This is what I have decided to do.

You hurt me so bad. But I’m strong now. I will be okay. If you care about that, then, there you are. It’s there. I’m mad at you for being a hypocrite. I’m mad at you for the time you swore she was ‘just your best friend’. I’m mad at you for the time you swore you ‘couldn’t find her less attractive’… and then slept with her. I’m mad at you for the fact you told everyone she was a slut, then the next week, she was a ‘lovely girl’. I’m mad becaue you said you loved me. I’m mad because you said you’d met someone else and then said ‘but you’re still the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.’ I’m mad because you weren’t there when I needed  you most, when we lost something so massive… you should have been there. I’m mad because of all the stupid lies you told. I’m mad because you think you let me down, so many times and I was too stupid to walk away. You used and abused me. But, you deserve to be happy.

I always wanted to be your friend. But the truth is, you don’t deserve my friendship. I’m not really sure it’s important to you anyway. I have moved on. Enough anyway. I don’t miss you as much as I thought and I am excited to have the people in my life I do. I wish you all the luck in the world but I wasn’t lying when I said I never wanted to see you again. You broke my heart. Thank you, good luck, take care, be happy but please, if it’s the only nice thing you ever do for me… don’t contact me again.

I’m so much happier without you, life is easier without you being the one to tell me I can close my eyes. Those nights where we listened to James Taylor are over. I still listen to James Taylor, it just doesn’t remind me of you. Bob & Bonnie - one of my favourite songs. There will be times I miss you. But like in 500 Days, I’ve started looking back and remembering all the times you were horrible, rather than veiwing you through rose tinted glass.

You messed me around. You were a bad guy to me. You’re not a bad guy, but you should be very sorry about how you treated me. I did not deserve it.

Truthfully? You are dead to me. Not in a hateful way. I just no longer want even your memory to be a part of my life. I never thought I’d be able to give you up. But I have. Forever. Be under no illusion. I meant what I said in those texts, all except the bit about you not deserving to be happy. You deserve to be happy, but not as much as I do. So, honestly…

Thank you for wasting a year of my life, the good times were nice, but time will tell if they were worth it. I will find out when I am less bitter. Leave me alone now. You are gone from my life and soon to be gone from my heart entirely. I’m excited. Letting go is the best decision I ever made.

Read this. Take it with you.
& remember….
I can live without you but without you I’ll be miserable at best.

Charly Phillips

This girl is swiftly becoming my new girl bezzie. Literally, she’s fucking crazy. This morning, with her talking about how she would ‘frog splash’ in excitement, had me on the actual floor in laughter. She’s funny and gorgeous and tiny so we can share clothes - actual win !

Just needed to say, she’s a ledge. Going places with her is cool too, she attracts a lot of attention ;)

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The Middle - Jimmy Eat World